dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
