I just cut my nipple shaving
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
