You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
