Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was like getting head from an anaconda
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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