Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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