Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
