If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
