I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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