I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
