i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So vagazzling was a success
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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