Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
