Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
