Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish i was in the wii world.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
