I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
PANTIES FOUND
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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