I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
