thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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