I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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