This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
