I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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