I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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