I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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