Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
