the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
time to smoke my breakfast
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
