wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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