I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
