Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
