you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
