They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
