I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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