Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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