halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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