My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
