Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everclear isn't food dammit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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