In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
