He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
