oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
