my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
