If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
