She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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