so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
