I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
