is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
