I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
