I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
