Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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