Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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