hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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