He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
