i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
