When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
