a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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