Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
