somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sober January is a disaster.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
