Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
