So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
