You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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