My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
