A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
