well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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