The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
