Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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