I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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