I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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