And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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