Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
