Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
