i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize