I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
