im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
