Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
