The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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