So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
