Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate all girls vehemently.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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